From the mailbag:
Okay. Here’s what I think liberals are, and what I think liberals believe.
Liberals are politically left of center elitists, who want to create ever-growing big governments that only they control, to take care of the nation and its people, which secures political power for liberals. Liberals believe this to be the natural order of things.
Liberals believe the average man is a freedom-drooling, unruly swine that consumes too much, wastes too much, and who cannot think properly for himself or depend upon himself for his existence, but who must have his freedom regulated and controlled, otherwise there would be chaos.
Liberals believe that freedom is a responsibility that only liberals have the capacity to dole out as liberals see fit.
Liberals believe that only liberals can truly govern for the benefit of all because only liberals can make good judgements, therefore only liberals have have “the answer” to peace, love and happiness.
Liberals believe that all election laws exist for liberals to contrive and manipulate, that counting legal ballots from legally registered voters somehow supresses votes and disenfranchises someone, presumably illegal aliens, felons and other illegal “voters.” Liberals believe sincerely in the words from the Great Men now in the Great Beyond, “Scarface” Al Capone and Mayor Richard J. Daley, Sr., both of Chicago: “vote early, and vote often.”
Liberals believe that all wealth in the nation belongs to the nation, and that only liberals have the capacity to distribute it as liberals see fit; from each according to his ability, to each according to his need. In practice, liberals believe the proper wealth ratio is 1:3, sometimes referred to as “one for you, three for me.”
Liberals believe all military action is unnecessary, therefore all military funding is unecessary. Liberals believe that money would be better spent on bean sprouts and tofu. And more brie.
Liberals believe they see kindred spirits in the nation’s enemies, in dictators and terrorists. Liberals believe these groups are just misunderstood liberals.
Liberals believe, if any nation has a quarrel with us, then WE must be at fault because we did some unknown something, and therefore that we deserve whatever evil is visited upon us.
Liberals believe all talk is greater than any action or deed. But liberals also believe that all talk is malleable, that it’s okay to say one thing and mean something just the opposite, especially when addressing political adversaries and the aforementioned swine. After all, they’re only words.
Liberals believe we should talk with our nation’s enemies to iron things out. In no case do liberals believe they should talk with their political adversaries, and only to the swine as necessary. Liberals believe that to be truly nonpartisan, liberals must ignore others wants and needs, and exclusively pursuit their own.
Finally, liberals believe that what’s good for liberals must necessarily be good for all, including but not limited to
a) abortions for any woman or girl who wants one,
b) all guns banned,
c) no private ownership of anything unless you’re liberal,
d) 100% tax rate for rich people,
e) 0% tax rate for poor people and liberals,
f) voluntary universal mandatory health care,
g) voluntary universal mandatory national service servicing liberals,
h)anything else a liberal can think of.
