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They’re Kind of a Matched Set….

Some of you will recognize this classic bit:

Watkins I’d like to leave the army please, sir.

Colonel Good heavens man, why? 

Watkins It’s dangerous. 

Colonel What? 

Watkins There are people with guns out there, sir. 

Colonel What? 

Watkins Real guns, sir. Not toy ones, sir. Proper ones, sir. They’ve all got ’em. All of ’em, sir. And some of ’em have got tanks. 

Colonel Watkins, they are on our side. 

Watkins And grenades, sir. And machine guns, sir. So I’d like to leave, sir, before I get killed, please. 

Colonel Watkins, you’ve only been in the army a day. 

Watkins I know sir but people get killed, properly dead, sir, no barley cross fingers, sir. A bloke was telling me, if you’re in the army and there’s a war you have to go and fight. 

Colonel That’s true. 

Watkins Well I mean, blimey, I mean if it was a big war somebody could be hurt. 

Colonel Watkins why did you join the army? 

Watkins For the water-skiing and for the travel, sir. And not for the killing, sir. I asked them to put it on my form, sir – no killing. 

Colonel Watkins are you a pacifist? 

Watkins No sir, I’m not a pacifist, sir. I’m a coward. 

This was the first thing I thought of when I noted in the NYT today, a story about the reaction of Lindsey Lohan, Cameron Diaz and a few other Hollywood numbskulls regarding Paparazzi.

LOS ANGELES, June 8 [1] - Lindsay Lohan once called the attentions of picture-hungry paparazzi "a blessing." But the 18-year-old film star adjusted her view of aggressive photographers last week after the police say one of them rammed his minivan into her Mercedes on a crowded street here, and at least three others somehow arrived within seconds to shoot her distraught reaction.

"A line needs to be drawn in terms of getting violent," she said in an interview on Wednesday. "It was a very frightening experience."

Hoping to draw that line, Ms. Lohan is joining with Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake and an A-list of Hollywood actors who are trying to turn the tables on the paparazzi. Spurred by the stars and their representatives, the Los Angeles police and prosecutors have opened a criminal investigation into what they describe as a new breed of photojournalists willing to flout the law, drive recklessly and even slam into celebrities' cars. "The concern is that because of these hyper-aggressive tactics on the part of the paparazzi, someone is going to get hurt or killed," said William W. Hodgman, head of the district attorney's target crimes division.

Routinely now, law enforcement officials said, paparazzi use several vehicles to "box in" a celebrity's car; try to force stars off the road; chase them at high speed as they do nothing more than run errands, often with their children in tow; and recklessly put pedestrians, other drivers and even themselves at risk.

You wanted to be in Hollywood, you wanted to be a star, and all the trappings that go with being a star.  Now suddenly you have a problem. Yes, the Paparazzi can be a pain in the ass, and downright dangerous at times. But this is a monster of your own making, gang.

Since I’m a nice guy, I offer the following advice: There is a solution to your problem. Just STFU and disappear. Trust me, few people will miss actually you, and you’ll not be in the spotlight all the time, anymore. Just think; No more Paparazzi

Of course there’s a motivation here for us; We won’t have your preaching at the rest of us from the back of your limo, while eating tofu, about how stupid we all are for eating at McDonald’s and driving our SUV’s.