Since WDOK in Ohio decided to pull “Baby it’s Cold Outside” from its playlist because someone was offended, I feel that these other holiday songs must also be removed as they are offensive as well. Do so immediately.

1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: subjecting minors to softcore porn

2. The Christmas Song: Open fire? Pollution. Folks dressed up like Eskimos? Cultural appropriation

3. Holly Jolly Christmas: Kiss her once for me? Unwanted advances

4. White Christmas? Racist

5. Santa Claus is Coming to Town: Sees you when you’re sleeping? Knows when you’re awake? Peeping Tom stalker

6. Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Everyone telling you be of good cheer? Forced to hide depression

7. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Bullying

8. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: Forced gender-specific gifts: dolls for Janice and Jen and boots and pistols (GUNS!) for Barney and Ben

9. Santa Baby: Gold digger, blackmail

10. Frosty the Snowman: Sexist; not a snow woman

11. Do You Hear What I Hear: blatant disregard for the hearing impaired

12. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas: Make the yuletide GAY? Wow, just wow

13. Jingle Bell Rock: Giddy up jingle horse, pick up your feet: animal abuse

14. Mistletoe and Holly: Overeating, folks stealing a kiss or two? How did this song ever see the light of day?

15. Winter Wonderland: Parson Brown demanding they get married…forced partnership.

Now, of course the whole thing here is absurd. But the question to ask yourself is exactly at what point did it become so?

3 Responses to “How Long Until This Absurdity Becomes a Reality?”

  1. I can exhale now.  You spared “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”

  2. LOL

  3. Eric, young fella, you missed the Memo:

    Mitch Miller was hauled on the carpet in 1952 in the Arch Diocese of Boston because he produced I saw mommie kissing Santa Claws.
    Even though the song was written by a 14 year old boy the Arch Pervert demanded it be recalled and never again heard.  The Arch Pervert claimed it was perverted Voyeurism.

    Turned out the Arch Pervert knew his stuff, he got busted a few years later for mounting a boy.

    The Dr Dimento remake is even funnier.

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My rules are simple; This is my place, which gives me the right to do anything I jolly well please with it, including editing, or even rejecting your comments. By submitting a comment here you agree to these rules. -Eric (Bithead)