Look, I’ll be right up front, here, as I always am; I couldn’t care less for the most part about Hollywood’s “I love me” festival. As such, I won’t be blogging such nonsense, here tonight, though I may made a snide comment or two in the morning about a point or two.

But on the whole, instead of passing out the Oscar statues for awards, I’m of the opinion they should instead give each one of the winners one of THESE